How Perfectionist Tendencies Might Impact Your Fertility Journey: Tips from Anxiety Therapy in Seattle
Image from Pexels by Engiakyurt 4/4/25
I recently had a wonderful chat with queer trying to conceive doula Morgan Henry Kerr (learn more about her in my blog highlight here) about the impacts of muscling through your fertility journey, especially if you’re prone to perfectionist tendencies. Much of this blog post is drawn from our discussion. Check out my Instagram to view that live, @chelseakramertherapy.
What Does it Mean to Muscle Through My Fertility Journey?
I see many people face their fertility journeys with the same determination they would have say running a marathon. The ideas of ‘if I work hard’ ‘if I power through’ that the effort will lead to a positive or desired outcome. Fertility, conception, and pregnancy aren’t like that unfortunately. You can do everything ‘right’ and still not get the outcome you hoped for. For many people with perfectionist tendencies this creates even greater grief, anxiety, and disappointed. You might internalize ideas such as you’re wrong, bad, or defective. Such internalization can rob you of the joy and wonder this process can bring.
Perfectionist Tendencies During Your Fertility Journey
If you are someone who previous is used to working hard and meeting your goals, fertility challenges may be your first experience in not having your effort directly impact the outcome. You might be a person that gets highly discouraged when your effort doesn’t equate an outcome. You might be a person that has experienced a lot of challenges in your life, and you feel like this is par for the course. However you are arriving at your fertility journey, your previous life experiences will greatly impact how you navigate this time.
Tips for Managing Perfectionist Tendencies, Stress, and Anxiety During Your Fertility Journey
Prioritize Process:
Image from Unsplash by Vruyr Martirosyan 4/4/25
Open yourself up to ways you can experience this time fully. How can you celebrate each step along the way? How can you create love, support, and community? If you can allow yourself to focus more on the trying to conceive process, you might be pleasantly surprised that you end up learning about yourself and find ways of coping that will positively impact your life moving forward. If you only focus on the outcome (a healthy, full-term pregnancy) without embracing steps, emotions, and experiences along the way, it will be more challenging. I like to use a yoga analogy. The more you focus on not falling out of a balance pose, the more likely you will fall. Instead, what would it be like to be fully present and feel all the wiggles and wobbles of your body as it navigates finding balance. If you fall out of the pose, you get right back in, rooting down in that moment.
Discover a New Baseline:
Facing fertility challenges and trying to conceive is like no other time in your life. It’s new, foreign and can be extremely overwhelming. Coming into this time with awareness of this reality, with curiosity and kindness towards yourself is important. Coming into your new reality, examining or challenging old worldviews that no longer serve you will help you as you navigate attempts to become a parent. As you gain new knowledge and experiences, you may have to address old trauma wounds. This process changes you. You get to influence how that change integrates into yourself as an individual and your relationships.
Promote Relational Connection:
Do not face your fertility journey alone. Get support. There are wonderful free support groups out there. If you’re in a relationship, invest in supporting one another through this process. Get a therapist, get a trying to conceive doula, talk to friends, build community. Getting out of your own head is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Redefine Failure:
Image from Pexels by Paduret 4/4/25
When I work with an individual or couple trying to conceive, I often ask what their top priorities are regardless of the outcome. For many people, it relates to their relationship and wanting that to stay loving, supportive, and strong. If you struggle with perfectionist tendencies, the concept of ‘failure’ probably scares you. Perfectionism likes to claim that failure falls into black or white categories. Conception and fertility experiences are far from black and white. Defining or clarifying what your values are during this process are vital.
Manage Perfectionism, Stress, and Anxiety While Trying to Conceive with Anxiety Therapy in Seattle
Perfectionist tendencies can complicate many aspects of life. Attempting to control the trying to conceive process or control fertility can lead to desperation and disconnection. This can become a discouraging loop to break. Recognizing the uniqueness of this time, getting support, challenging your relationship to struggle and control can positively impact your experience. This process can be one of connection, self-discovery, and deep emotional experience if you’re open to riding the wave. If you’re looking for expert support on your fertility journey, schedule a free consultation today through the link below.
About the Author: Seattle Washington Therapist, Chelsea Kramer LMFT PMH-C
Chelsea Kramer is a Seattle Therapist who works with individual and families facing grief, anxiety, reproductive and medical mental health concerns.
Learn more about Chelsea’s specialties: grief, anxiety, infertility, pregnancy loss, chronic illness, menopause, medical trauma
Learn more about Chelsea
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