The Challenges of Navigating Illness and Identity from Grief Counseling Seattle

Image from Unsplash by Vadim Bogulov 2/2/26

Being chronically ill is a wild experience. Existing in a world where you are perceived by others is wild. As a therapist, I work with people on different planes, the external world and the internal world. The external world tends to focus on measurable goals, behavior, and interactions with others. The internal world tends to focus on thoughts, emotions, memories and physical sensations. Working with clients and families dealing with acute or chronic illness punctuates what can be extreme differences between these two planes of existence, the internal and external realities of peoples’ lives. 

Identity is a unique aspect of life that involves both internal and external realities. For example, externally, part of my identity is a therapist. I am perceived as a professional, and certain qualities are assumed when I’m externally identified as a therapist. Yet that indicates nothing of what is happening for me internally. How do I feel about being a therapist? Has that changed over time? Is that label a core tenant of how I perceive my identity or do I identify with other roles? What are joys and challenges of this role? For better or worse, being acute or chronically ill, dealing with health issues can quickly become a person’s all-consuming identity to the external world. For many chronically ill folks, especially women, fat people, disabled people, people of color or queer people, you often have to fight harder for your reality to be taken seriously. In order to advocate for yourself, your identity might be consumed with being ill.

The Implications on Identity of Having to “Prove” You’re Sick—Grief Counseling Seattle

Most of my clients are women. Women tend to deal with more long-term chronic illnesses than men. I also work with a lot of people from different marginalized populations such as people of color, queer or fat folks. Many of my clients share the common experience of not being believed when communicating their symptoms. Their symptoms are often minimized, misunderstood, or completely disregarded. Invisible symptoms (external reality) tend to not be taken as seriously by the medical system. If you’ve ever felt like you’ve had to fight to be taken seriously, then this guidance is for you.

Having to ‘prove’ your illness can look many ways:

--Convincing family and friends about your reality. Advocating to them what you need and reminding them.

--Appealing to medical professionals to be taken seriously, especially when sharing your experience of ‘invisible’ symptoms.

Image from Pexels by Polina Zimmerman 2/2/26

--Applying for financial, physical, or emotional aid. I’ve had many clients apply for SSDI and go through a multi-year, often traumatic experience of stating their case for need.

Having to ‘prove’ how sick you are can take its toll on your mental health and your sense of self. From a neurological perspective, the more you do something, whether that’s a specific thought pattern or behavior, the pathways in your brain associated with that become more myelinated and stronger. Your brain becomes good at that thing. If you become good at explaining all the ways you are challenged, seeing yourself as ‘incapable’ or ‘deficient’ you might start to believe it. If most of your thoughts and actions are around convincing others of how sick you are, you might start to feel like that’s your entire identity. You might invest less time in other parts of your identity. In my experience, the narrower a person’s life or identity becomes, the more rigid their thinking, their behavior and the more unhappy they can become.

Building Self Trust Amidst Grief—Releasing Trauma

Part of moving forward is letting go of the past. It’s so much easier said than done. How do you build trust? Trust can be built by showing up consistently with kindness. How does that look for yourself? A big part of that is being honest in what you’re feeling. Being honest in how previous experiences impact you today. What are you holding onto? Have you been honest with yourself in what you’re thinking or feeling? I find many people tend to hold their feelings in because of the implications that may happen if they are truthful to the people they love, or themselves. Therapy can help create a safe space to explore these feelings. Chances are how you engaged in the past was a response to protect yourself. That strategy might not work anymore. Therapy itself is the process of showing up for yourself. It’s a process of engaging in the parts of your story or life that you don’t necessary always want to look at directly. You don’t have to look at those parts by yourself.

It’s not uncommon for people to try to minimize their experiences, opinions, or emotions for others to ‘keep the peace’ or ‘not be a bother.’ Over time that can build a lack of trust within yourself because of the internal judgement and monitoring. Let’s work on coming back to your inner experiences with open, honest and gentle curiosity. Through this process, we can start to examine what parts of your identity have been put on you by other people or your old self. We can grieve parts that no longer serve you and release them. We can explore who you want to be now and in the future; a person rooted in their values and the present moment. 

Image from Unsplash by Brett Jordan 2/2/26

Both/And Identities: Grief Counseling Seattle 

Both can be true, your health is a big part of your life, and you are so much more than your health status. In therapy, we have a saying that goes something like—don’t over or under emphasize the importance of a part of someone’s identity. You get to understand, define, and explore the role that injury or illness plays in your identity. There is no ‘wrong’ answer, only your experience. This process of exploration can usually only happen after a certain level of processing past trauma, grief, and acceptance. (For more on acceptance, check out many other blog posts. You’ll learn what acceptance is and isn’t). True identity can be found in the both/and of life.

You can be chronically ill and an adventure seeker.

You can be angry and grateful.

You can feel isolated and overexposed.

You can be tired and restless.

You can love yourself and hate your body some days.

You can grieve your losses and embrace opportunity.

Therapy For Chronic Illness and Identity: Grief Counseling Seattle

Life is lived in the grey, the both/and rather than the either/or. Generally speaking, folks embracing an identity of either/or is extremely limiting and can lead to depression, anxiety, and a lack of living life to the fullest. If you’re living with acute or chronic illness and want to re-connect with the person you want to be, reach out today and schedule a free consultation. I have years of experience working with people dealing with the medical system, learning to live in their bodies, and navigating emotional life changes. Schedule through the link below.

About the Author: Seattle Washington Therapist, Chelsea Kramer LMFT PMH-C

Chelsea Kramer is a Seattle Therapist who works with individual and families facing grief, anxiety, reproductive and medical mental health concerns.

Learn more about Chelsea’s specialties: grief, anxiety, infertility, pregnancy loss, chronic illness, menopause, medical trauma

Learn more about Chelsea

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