Seattle Grief Counseling: Validating Your Experience with Chronic Illness

Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss experience that isn’t acknowledged by society. With disenfranchised grief, there isn’t a socially normative template of how to cope or support the person dealing with the loss. With this kind of grief, the loss isn’t often discussed publicly. People can feel disenfranchised grief related to almost anything, which can make it challenging for others to understand or honor. Many of us experienced this during the pandemic when we lost any sense of normalcy in our day to day lives.

People dealing with chronic illness, injury, or health challenge often experience this type of grief due to the lack of societal discussion around the topic. In Western society, bodies can be objectified and seen as ‘things’ to be controlled. It’s not uncommon that when people experience a challenging health diagnosis or chronic health condition that they feel some sort of responsibility or sense of failure. This can lead to feelings of shame, which can also lead to isolation and a lack of social support. Shame often leads to avoidance which can lead to other forms of disenfranchised grief.

People often want to engage in avoidance when it comes to difficult or challenging emotions like grief. When disenfranchised grief happens, it can be slightly easier for people to minimize their own feelings because people aren’t necessarily ‘looking’ for grief to occur. When we (society) understanding that grief is a global emotion, even though it’s experienced in unique ways, we can support others in curious and loving ways.

Coping with a changing body can mean adapting to a difference in abilities; sometimes such changes are visible and sometimes they aren’t. You might be experiencing disenfranchised grief by suffering in silence. It’s important to know that whatever you might be experiencing, your emotions matter, your loss matters. Disenfranchised grief can occur not only in relation to changing abilities, but also in relation to role changes, shifting of dreams, day to day tasks, financial goals, the list is endless.

If you’re experiencing disenfranchised grief:

Find someone you trust and talk to them. There is power in making the implicit explicit, naming your feelings and identifying your pain. You might also look for specific support groups related to your illness or physical condition. Often people experiencing similar challenges can relate to your disenfranchised grief. Identifying ways to add ritual or symbolize a loss can help make it more tangible and make emotions more accessible to process. If society doesn’t really have a template, create a ritual of your own. There’s no wrong answer. Try not to avoid your emotions. When we avoid our emotions, they’ll just express themselves ten times stronger on their own, in ways we aren’t jazzed about.

If you’re supporting someone experiencing disenfranchised grief:

Be curious. Don’t pretend to know what the other person is thinking or feeling. Validate that their emotions are real and valid. Offer to be a listening ear as they move forward and check in more than once to let them know you’re there if they need to talk. Take an opportunity to honor or memorialize their loss. Depending on the relationship, humor can even be helpful sometimes. Many times, people just want to feel normal and seen. If they’re open to it, you can help them access services, whether that be one on one such as therapy, or a support group.

Unfortunately, there are no short cuts to processing grief. Anyone remember the tv show ‘Succession’ and the idea of ‘pre-grieving?’ Yeah, it didn’t work out too well. If you’d like support navigating your disenfranchised grief or loss, schedule a free consultation today and we can walk that path together. Click here if you’d like to learn more about how I can help you on your grief journey.

Check out my other blog posts on grief:

Navigating Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Coping with Medical Gaslighting

Strength in Surrender: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Acceptance

Navigating Toxic Positivity: Grief Counseling Strategies in Seattle

Finding Home: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Your True Family

Strength in Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Resilience

Thawing the Freeze: Grief Counseling Strategies for Building Community in Seattle

Navigating Retirement Grief: Expert Grief Counseling in Seattle

If you want to learn about my other specialities, click on each one to find more. They include infertility, pregnancy loss, medical trauma, health issues, and grief.