Infertility Therapist and Trying to Conceive in Seattle

Studies show that the mental and emotional impacts of women dealing with infertility are similar to the depression and anxiety patients with cancer, HIV, and heart disease experience. Even though in a heterosexual relationship, either partners could potentially have a fertility issue, the woman is often blamed and seen automatically as the ‘problem.’ Women (or the gestational partner) are the ones that also have to experience all of the medical treatments, procedures and exams when dealing with third party reproduction. Relationships can be impacted. Finances can be strained. It can bring a variety of emotions including despair, anger, and anxiety. LGBTQ+ parents automatically have to start planning ahead about interventions to build families which may include donor eggs, embryos, or using a surrogate.

Depression is common among people struggling with infertility. Infertility deals with a complex intersection of experiences including your relationship to your body, to your partner, your family. It relates to your hopes, dreams and sense of fairness. LGBTQ+ parents to be must navigate working in a system made for heteronormative experiences, which can lead to stress, anxiety and trauma. Dealing with infertility not only impacts your relationship to yourself, your loved ones and the world around you, but you may end up dealing with the medical community frequently which comes with it’s own set of challenges.

Anger is a normal response to a perceived injustice. When you see people getting pregnant and carrying pregnancies to full term while you aren’t, you react to that injustice. It’s completely unfair that you haven’t been able to get pregnant, stay pregnant and have a baby. It’s normal to experience anger when you see pregnant people or people with children.

Yes. The entire process of coping with infertility is a form of complex trauma. Remember, your nervous system is additive, meaning that experiences build and impact you cumulatively. The cyclical nature of hope and disappointment can be considered traumatic. LGBTQ+ parents to be have an increased risk developing traumatic responses due to the lack of access to queer family planning.

When infertility becomes a challenge regardless of why, in heterosexual relationships the woman or person with a uterus is often the one blamed. Women in this society already deal with judgement, shame, and unwanted comments related to our bodies. Many clients come to me when dealing with infertility only to have their self esteem be as low as it’s ever been. This is something we can tackle in therapy.

It’s extremely important to get additional support when coping with infertility, whether that is through loved ones or professional support. There are great organization like Resolve, Postpartum Support International and American Association for Reproductive Medicine and can be resources for patients and families. Basic self care such as good sleep, eating regularly, movement, stress reduction, and socializing are all great foundations for coping. The more psychological flexibility you can develop during uncertainty, the more you’ll be able to adapt to whatever challenges come your way. You can start building such flexibility by starting with a mindfulness or meditation practice.

Relationship health is addressed in my work with individuals and families. I will work with a family coping with infertility for that specific issue. I refer out for general ongoing couples therapy. I have fantastic colleagues that provide ongoing couples therapy services for general relationship health.

Yes. Of course any decisions you make moving forward are 100% yours. It’s common for me to help clients clarify their values, reflect on their journeys, and identify risk associated with certain decisions. Risk is present in everything you do and it can be helpful to expand the conversation to include mental, emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being to the conversation, not just medical risk/benefits.

We know people dealing with infertility are susceptible to higher rates of depression and anxiety. If high levels of stress are not addressed, other mental health issues can arise such as depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, posttraumaticstress disorder and others. This is why it’s helpful to address the stress head on, especially if you’re navigating infertility with an existing or previous mental health diagnosis or challenge.

When appropriate, I do offer treatment companion services. This is an option when you experience of a lot of anxiety related to procedures or interaction with the medical community. This may happen if you have a history of trauma and are working hard to build safety. Another example may be if you experience a miscarriage or medical complication. Reach out to discuss this service further if interested.

I do not provide psychological evaluations or consultations for donor candidates or recipients at this time.