A protest sign says, 'I am here to party and to smash the heteronormative racist patriarchy.' — Image from Unsplash by Raphael Renter Raphi Rawr 8/7/25

One of the many reasons I became a therapist was because I’ve always been passionate about elevating women, non-binary, and transgendered people. The world can be a scary place, compounded by intersectional layers of marginalized identities. As a female assigned at birth and female presenting person, I experience daily challenges of living in a patriarchal society. But the complexity and pervasiveness of misogyny play out daily in my therapeutic work with clients. This week’s blog, I address the context in which anxiety happens for women and gender minorities, the dangers of ignoring misogyny in the therapy room, how tackling misogny looks in real life, and how shifting from self-criticalness to self-compassion is a deeply feminist act.

Anxiety as a Rational Response to Misogyny

Violence against women and gender minorities is everywhere. One of the many things that struck me early on in my career is the sheer number of clients that come to therapy with a trauma history. On top of outright abuse and trauma, micro aggressions, inequality, and a lack of power in a variety of contexts directly impacts peoples’ mental health. I work mostly with women, but not exclusively. I see the manifestation of anxiety turn inward as self-criticism and worry. I see the hyper-focus of wanting to be perfect, please others, and have everything ‘together.’ The reality is, it’s easy to feel like “the problem” when the system is the problem. Society bets on you feeling insecure and anxious. Anxiety and all its manifestations are a rational response to misogyny. Irritability, anger, rage, worry, obsessiveness, being on edge, these are all understandable responses to living in a world that doesn’t prioritize your health, wellbeing, or safety. Every woman, non-binary, and trans person I know has done things consciously and unconsciously to stay safe. Many times these behaviors can make you feel stuck but were helpful at some point in your life. Women and femmes are conditioned to stay small, quiet, and compliant. Stifling your full emotional experience can lead a whole host of negative mental health outcomes.

The Problem with “Neutral” Therapy: When Misogyny Goes Unnamed

Due to the inherent unbalance of power that exists, I believe therapy cannot be apolitical. When you go into therapy, either by yourself, with your partner, friend, or family, you are entering into a space where inherent power dynamics exist. Ignoring those power dynamics or unbalancing them in a way that impacts the lower powered person to give up more power is extremely harmful. It’s not only misogyny that needs to be acknowledged in therapy, but anti-fatness, ableism, racism, and possible power dynamics between therapist and client.

A white man in a denim jacket holding a sign that says 'real men are feminists.' Represents feminist anxiety therapy in Seattle — Image from Unsplash by Ted Zac 8/7/25

People of all genders are harmed by misogyny. Clients come into therapy carrying decades of social conditioning based on their perceived gender identity. If this isn’t directly addressed, it leaves you at risk of perpetuating unwanted patterns within your life and in your relationships with yourself and others.

Seattle Anxiety Therapists Who Center Liberation Over Perfection

How does this look in therapy? Well, it can be uncomfortable. When I work with couples and families, it often means I call out the ways the relationship is unbalanced in power. We explore the impacts of the power imbalances and if it’s working for the system. Needless to say, a lot of cis gendered men don’t always appreciate this. It’s important that men see the ways misogyny and unchecked privilege ends up hurting them and their relationships. It keeps people stuck in unhelpful roles and patterns that they struggle to escape. In my experience, addressing power imbalances in families also plays out with me addressing male anger. Most cis gendered males are raised to minimize any display of emotions, with the exception of anger. Anger is the only ‘acceptable’ emotions that men learn they can express. It’s even encouraged. It means they’re tough. If such patterns are allowed to continue in the therapy room unchecked, it may continue to lead to unhelpful patterns and I wouldn’t be doing my job.

With individual women and gender diverse clients, internalized misogyny is challenged through boundary setting, reducing self judgement, tackling people pleasing tendencies, and building safety. It’s rare that addressing the impacts of misogyny don’t come up in my work. This work is often difficult and uncomfortable as it challenges basic foundations that many of us have been taught our entire lives. While goals of therapy are always defined by the client, clients are often surprised by how many of these social norms and unspoken rules were holding them back.

From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion: A Feminist Reframe

A person holding a pillow over their face that says 'the future is female.' represents online therapy Seattle — Image from Unsplash by Sinitta Leunen 8/7/25

I want people of all genders to be able to live valued, meaningful lives, free of oppressive systems. Beautiful change can happen when people realize they are having rational responses to messed up environments and choose a different path. A great place to start empowering yourself is by working on shifting self-criticism to self-compassion. Understand your place within the wider social context and the systems that have taught you the ‘right’ ways to act, think, and love. Decide for yourself what parts of that you want to keep and what you want to toss. Work to let go of people pleasing and live for yourself. That might mean a huge shake up in your life, which can be really scary. Change is scary, generally as humans we don’t like it. Therapy can help you explore new possibilities within a safe container.

Empower Yourself and Reach Out Today to a Seattle Anxiety Therapist

You don't have to face life challenges alone. If you are suffering silently or the support you have isn’t getting you to where you want to be, reach out and schedule a free consultation today. My hope for all potential clients is that you get connected with a provider who can meet your needs. If that isn’t me, I’ll guide you towards someone who can. I can’t wait to meet you.

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